The-Silver-LiningX on DeviantArthttps://www.deviantart.com/the-silver-liningx/art/CP-OC-Anti-Clockwork-454836246The-Silver-LiningX

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[CP OC] Anti Clockwork

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The-Silver-LiningX
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Kill me.
Done? Now go away if you support her and are planning on talking shit and defending her. Im not hating on you, nor her creator, im hating on the story and design.

Her story can be found HERE Mkay? So follow along.

[WARNING, THE DESCRIPTION IS LONG AS SHIT]
Alright, So i want to begin with her child-part. How to I put this...
Lazy writing. She has conflicts with everyone in her family. Its stated that her mother doesnt care about her( even though she CLEARLY tried to stop CW's father from hitting CW, and later in the story is even DISCRIBED as worried for her daughter) so that seems like it was just thrown in because FUCK IT. Next is the part where its said her brother rapes her because he was abused by her father.
Okay, no. Im completely aware how it feels to be abused( mentally/physically ), and so does my own brother. But never in my entire life has he tried to hit me out of revenge for my fathers acts, or go to the extreme as try to come onto me forcefully. Infact, its what draws us closer. sure we have PLENTY of arguements, and infact hit eachother and bring eachother down. But its because we're brother and sister. And at the end of the day we laugh our asses off at some video. When someone knows what your going through, truly, they feel closer to you. They might become bitter and angry at everyone around them but they wont go to the extreme to rape someone, atleast not someone of their family who knows what they've gone through.
its true some people will seek revenge on whoever by raping, molesting, abusing, etc. But when its someone you've known all your life and they have been with you through the fucking same thing, then you wouldnt RAPE them.
So yeah, we have a CARING mother discribed as UNCARING, and a brother with a COMPLETELY wrong persona.
Next the father, i understand this. Nothing wrong here, since most abusive parents are the dominate male and abuse to stay the dominate one.

Moving on to the next part. So the drawing bit... its only there so her boyfriend breaks up with her. Seriously? Its never even mentioned after her boyfriend leaves her. Infact, how in the hell did she get a boyfriend? Getting a partner requires trust, which she would probably LOSE if her mother was 'uncaring', her brother rapes her, and her father abuses her. I know that it took me YEARS after i finally moved out to start dating. So it would take CW years after the abuse stopped to finally gain some trust to date. Which it hasnt stopped, as clearly stated.
So somehow she got over her trust issues and fear of being beaten by everyone she meets within, like, 9 years WITH the abuse/rape/uncaring still going on? I call bullshit. This is just crappy writing and ANOTHER reason the writer threw in to make her go insane, poorly.
Next she is told to get her late assignment in soon by her teacher. Thats not fucking new. MANY students FORGET their assignments, so shes going to be stern and direct when demanded it back. This scene was COMPLETELY not needed. I mean, it got CW a little irritated, duh, but it always does to EVERY student. Like, seriously. This scene could have been thrown out and the story would be better, because its just a WASTE OF SPACE AND TIME. God. It only lasts a few sentences anyway, wow.

And the next part, is once again completely unnecessary. Time is against her, SO LETS BASE MY WHOLE FUTURE PERSONA AROUND THE THING I HATE. THIS WONT BE BAD WRITING. Seriously, ugh.

Next is the part where her boyfriend breaks up with for... her drawings.
...
Seriously? Just that? So shes interested in horror, big deal. Like what the fuck. thats not a valid reason to break up with someone just because they DRAW.
I understand if he's curiously drawn away from them or something but like fuck. I would NEVER break my with my girlfriend just because she got into drawing gore, or even porn. I'd say 'do whatever the fuck you want, just dont go changing your sexy personality', thats it. Okay. So that BF thing was bullshit and not needed, because how would she even get a bf with trust issues. WHICH SHE SHOULD HAVE IF SHES A FUCKING HUMAN, WHICH SHE IS. Like fuck. The writer should have JUST said that they broke up because the bf was no longer interested, that they had lost their 'spark' or something. People break up because of that EVERY DAY, not because one partner is interested in gore.
...
Wait. HER drawings make HIM feel irresponsible?
...
ir·re·spon·si·ble
ˌiriˈspänsəbəl/
adjective
  1. (of a person, attitude, or action) not showing a proper sense of responsibility.
    "it would have been irresponsible just to drive on"
 So in other words, its making him feel foolish? Why? Its what SHES doing. Seriously, wrong use of the word.

So then she gets depressed. And of COURSE there is a needle beside her. WAIT. HOLD ON.
Shes in a bathroom.
Shes going to use a sharp object to do something around her mouth...
Then her mother comes into the bathroom and catches her....
Hold on...
Hmm. She didnt kill her mother, but it does remind you of a certain scene from a certain, poorly written but popular, creepypasta.
Ill give you a hint. Starts with J, ends in R. Or F. however you want to look at it.
Didja get it?
JEFF DA KILLAR.
seriously, what a rip-off of that scene. How is it so popular?

The next scene was okay. She gets theropy and acts weird, nothing wrong here.

And the next, is fine. But keep in mind, shes now in a hospital. Sure its in the wrong order, but still.
Wait, one thing wrong. Why did the doctor NOT hold her down? Like seriously, WHY. A unstable patient is getting up and you were THINKING about holding her down, but didnt because....? Like seriously, at this point they should atleast be comforting her saying 'its alright, Natalie, just calm down. we're here to help. lay down' OR SOMETHING.

So the next part, she has green eyes, GASP. THE DRUGS CHANGED HER EYE COLOR *GAAAAASP*. But seriously. What the hell. Is it JUST so the writer could explain why her eyes were so fucking bright? Or maybe they just wanted to have an oc with their favorite-color eyes and needed a reason how she got them.
Whatever, either way im not focusing on that. Im focusing on the fact NON of the doctors are calming her, and infact are telling HER that she shouldnt have awoken, and that the drugs they tried were untested. they should be telling someone stable and CARING. Such as her mother who brought her here and was willing to try anything to get her beloved Natalie back.
So then, shes 17, and is standing over a doctor- who we can only guess is abour 25-40. If not older. Also he's male, so he'd be taller then he by that standard to... Um. Did she pull over a stool or a chair to loom over him?
...
So she has super-strength? And she suddenly developed weaponry skills out of thin air? Can drugs make you skilled with knives? I didnt know. I understand if they can change your apperance, but give you skills? Seriously? And I KNOW she didnt take any classes for that shit because she wouldnt have time or anything.
And so moving on she beats how many 'doctors' and two guards.
I saw 'Doctor's because they are testing UNTESTED drugs on a girl, which should have been TESTED before coming anyway near a young girl. Even with her disorder and mothers permission, Doctors are not allowed to just go and use untested drugs on some girl.
Alright, wait. how did she beat the guards. They are trained, armed, protected, professionals and shes some unstable, unarmed, unprotected, unprofessional, 17 year old, scrawny girl. Oh wait, she pulled out a pocket knife from mid-air. Dont say she had it all along, because fucking serious they would have emptied her pockets. Oh and dont forget a small pocket knife can cut through protection and all that belly-fat to cleanly spill out organs! Nothing wrong with that.
And the other guard just gave up after his partner died. Seriously, dropping your weapon after someone died? I understand if you would freeze up in fear, but fucking seriously? Dropping your only protection? Thats not how the body works. there is this thing call instinct. Look it up.

So next she suddenly gets two knifes. Who knows if its kitchen knives, army knives, or a fucking meat clever. Why the hell would a testing room have knives. I doubt any doctors would be using some big fat knives to cleanly and carefully cut patients.
So yeah. Natalie busted through her mothers ribs as if they were paper. Yup, hulk i forgot.
Okay, okay. Ill admit, the heart in the mothers mouth thing was gold. I give her props to that.

"the bigger you are the harder you fall." try tipping over a fat guy. Not so easy. How about a muscularly guy, not so easy. Um. Yeah, no. not happening. Why use this expression? Why use an expression at all? WHY IS SHE TALKING DURING THIS BATTLE. JUST SHUT UP AND KILL HIM OR TORTURE HIM OR SOMETHING. AND FOR GODS SAKE, IF YOUR GOING TO TALK ATLEAST DO IT WHEN HE'S TIED UP AND YOU CAN THROW A BUNCH OF PUNS AT HIM (*cough cupcakes cough*)
Also why did she grab the pillow? everyone in the hospital already knows shes killing people, with the security tapes and shit. Wait, this hospital doesnt have them? Oh, how convenient for her.

Wait. So she walked all the way home just to kill her brother? Alright, fine. Ill roll with it. not the worst decision shes made. But you know.
Hey, look at that. KInd of a pun, not really. But she did it when her brother couldnt move. SEe this is what i mean. Talk when the enemy CANT fight back.
Also, she put a cloth around his mouth. That wouldnt do shit if he scream loud enough. I mean, I can break glass by screaming through a cloth. Also why would screaming wake the neighbors, surely they're used to your house screaming and shit.
Um, sorry to tell you CW. He can still cry. tear ducts are NOT attached to your eyeballs. He can still cry and shit. So yeah, there is this thing called research.
Since I didnt know about this i took, like, 5 seconds to open up another tab and type in 'can you cry without eyes'. And there it stated a big, fat, juicy, YES. So yeah. Thats not correct.
So then she throws out more puns, and finally shoves a finger in his mouth.
And then he, i quote.
'Chokes and dies'.
...
thats it?
No 'He began to sputter, hunching over and trying to gag the finger out of his throat, but it had been shoved too deep and hard. He coughed and cried, but the finger would not budge. Soon he fell to his side, twitching. His skin was turning a sickly blue as the last of his oxygen was used. He slowly coughed one last time, taking in a huge, useless, breath before dying.'
So yeah. Wasnt that hard.


And the last part.
Shes back in her bathroom to finish up her look.
So this time natalie is going to gorge out her own eyeball and shove a pocket watch into her socket.
So a few questions, where did she get the watch? Couldnt the writer have mentioned it even ONCE? Why was it suddenly just THERE.
Also if she took it apart, then whats the point of the whole time thing? her eye-clock can tell time or anything. Its just the fucking clock, none of the gears to move it. Nothing. So the few pictures she has of people using her eye to tell time, get 6:30 everytime because the hands are just limply hanging in that small hole, if they hadnt fallen out by now.
So yeah, lets recap.

1. Shes been in the bathroom to do her 'look'.
2. Shes done something with her mouth that involved a sharp object.
3. shes been in a hospital and loved her new 'look' that she did previously.
4. Shes killed her mom, dad, and brother IN THAT ORDER.
Remind you of someone?
Jeff.
He:
1. Was in his bathroom to do his 'look'
2. done something with her mouth that involved a sharp object.
3. been in a hospital and loved his new 'look' that he did previously.
4. killed her mom, dad, and brother IN THAT ORDER.
.....
Yeah. so thats not ripping off Jeff AT ALL.

'some say'
Some say? Who the fuck is alive to tell the story of her and pass it on. She kills everyone she meets. like seriously.

'in the darkness she watches'
how. Shes still human. can she see in the dark? can she blend into the shadows and not be noticed even the slightest? I highly doubt that. Shes still human. Try to go stand in the darkness and get your friend or partner to say in they can see you or not. Unless its pure black with a light shining IN THEIR FACE, they can see you.
So that plan wont work unless she can mend into the shadows.

Seriously, the story is poorly written and just overall terrible and it rips off Jeff, of course.

Clockwork/art belongs to C-CD 
Free to use if you agree.
If you dont agree and wish to defend her, alright. have fun with that. Because idgaf :D
This isnt meant to offend the creator, its meant to express my opinion about her. Agree or dont, i dont care. Im sure the creator is a great person or something.
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© 2014 - 2024 The-Silver-LiningX
Comments169
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MugiMewgi's avatar
MugiMewgi
You hit the nail on the head with her. I wish they had also done something more with the whole clock shoved in her eye socket thing, and her name. Like maybe she'd always show a timer by her victims counting down, then kills them when it reaches the time?

It appears that Jeff The Killer spawned a ton of other clear knockoffs of him, some sort of poorly designed Mary Sue serial killer story. Not only Clockwork, but also ones like Ticci Toby, Jane the Killer (yes that's one too), The Dollmaker, and if they count, Laughing Jack and Eyeless Jack.